you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
