Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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