when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
