i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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