My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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