If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
