i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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