Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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