i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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