Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
