We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
