we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
