He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
