that's an acceptable place to lick
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
