piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
