found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
