thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
