I wish I could punch you in the face.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
