Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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