I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
