k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
