Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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