I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
