you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
this will be a night to untag.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
