dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
