life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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