babies were throwing up all over the place
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
