Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
