I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
