Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm both gender and math confused
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
