Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
