found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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