member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
