i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
