In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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