Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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