After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
