I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
