I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
my liver is dry heaving
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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