What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
