My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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