Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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