I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
