I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He better not be in your backpack
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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