i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
