haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
