Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
