seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
