I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
