Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just got carded by a ten year old.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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