her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
