the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
