I just threw up on my dentist
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
