dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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