let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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