You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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