she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
