Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
